Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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