Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
