definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
