bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
