i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
