his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
