My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
