How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm too high and old for this...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
