I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
