I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
