in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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