guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dignity is for republicans.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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