i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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