I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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