over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
