I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
