No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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