I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
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She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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