I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
