oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
