ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
