I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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