it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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