Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
