just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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