i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
