why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
