Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
