my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
