I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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