I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
