Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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