Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
