No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
