Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
