Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
