so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize