They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
