mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
