Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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