He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
