So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
