I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
