I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
