there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
