the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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