last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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