Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
