I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
