You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
