I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
