I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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