She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize