I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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