He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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