During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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