Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
