just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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