she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
