Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
