So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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