Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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