My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
