Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
