So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My feet surprised me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
